Today, I'd like to discuss the proud and horrifying tradition of 80s music videos. The decade of 1980-1989 was a time when a man could make it big with just a synthesizer and a dream. That said, some people should have just let the dream die.
"Don't You Want Me (Baby)" - Human League (1981)
We'll start with this one because it embodies a lot of the things that make these 80s music videos both terrible and awe-inspiring. So, we'll take a somewhat academic approach with this one, and parse out what makes it less of a music video, and more of a car accident you simply can't look away from.
Number One: Creepy Close-Ups
This is what bothers me most about this particular video, I think. No less that one dozen times in this three and a half minute video, does the video zoom in on someone. I don't know if they thought it made the video more intimate, or more intense, but the vibe they got was freakin' creepy. It doesn't help that half the cast has a mole in the exact same place.
Defining moment(s):
0:20, first time it happens, you just can't see it coming.
1:00, GAH! They're doing it with the entire cast! No one is safe!
Number Two: Soulless Stares
Don't get me wrong, if you can write a song and perform it, that's impressive. I can't do that beyond Rock Band in the comfort of my living room. That said, these people take being unable to act and turn it into an art form. Everyone has this sort of dull, lifeless stare.
Defining moment:
2:15, it's like she couldn't make it to the shoot that day, and they replaced her with a really convincing mannequin. Why bother emoting at all when you can let sudden focus changes communicate your angst. The angst. Can you feel it?
Number Three: Makeup
In the eighties, everyone wore make up. All the time. Everywhere. And lots of it. If you wanted to be the man, you had to look like a woman. Oh, that's not true? Well, you could have fooled me, Human League.
Defining moment:
0:20 again, Jesus Christ, man. You demean us all when you go around like that.
Number Four: When Did I Rent Labyrinth?
This is no one's fault, but this guy looks like the Goblin King in Labyrinth. The makeup doesn't help, citing number three again.
Defining moment:
0:43, seriously what was David Bowie doing when this was shot? I want documentation.
I guess those are my major complaints with this video, but they are so liberally distributed throughout that its difficult to find a point where at least one of these isn't happening.
I have more of these exciting videos up my sleeve. Each more exciting than the next, I assure you. But this post is already getting long-winded, so I will save them for another day.
That is all.
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1 comment:
Dammit, that song was on in the car earlier and all I could think about were vacant stares and awful makeup. Thanks, Ben.
In addition, did you notice that everyone's wearing a variation of the same trenchcoat? It's like an entire cast of 1940's detectives. Only, you know, with very manly eyeshadow.
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